Friday, May 22, 2009

White Lilies

He had promised her his heart forever. She had held the words dear to her heart. The thought of his voice made her eyes close in agony as a lump slid down her throat. Choking back the tears that seeped from the cracks of her eyes, she let the big gulp of air calm her nerves. She didn’t understand why the picture was still in her hand. A broken bond of a faded memory stuck clasped between her fingers as if the world would end if she were to put it down. The thought of letting it go again, however, was worse than the pain the past brought to her heart.

He loved holidays. It wasn’t the twinkling Christmas lights or the carved jack-o-lanterns; it was the fact that it gave him a reason to treat her special, to see her smile. Simply surprising her with little things like a piece of chocolate or a dance to her favorite song, that was what made his day worth while. And the lilies. The beautiful white lilies that made even her worse days better. They were her favorite but she never knew why he loved them. See, the lily is never dormant. Her favorite ones could be planted anywhere, but they craved the brightness of the sun. The dazzling petals reminded him of her. With her graceful features and lively soul, he could always count on her to make his world come alive…

She knew it when she met him. She had never seen such honest eyes. Crevices of pure passion, they lit up her soul the moment they connected with hers. The warm hazelnut tones that never quite matched stared perfectly into hers. Even from across the room, she could tell when those eyes were on her; and sure enough when she’d look up to check, he’d be staring back at her, admiring. What she would give to lie next to those eyes again. The promises they had told her, the purity of his words, made her heart sink to her stomach…

He had changed. He no longer stared at her scarlet lips, imagining his against hers. Her sparkling eyes, one like a fallen snowflake and one like a sun, no longer made him smile. Inside he hurt with the pain of misunderstanding. It was never his intention to hurt her. To make her cry. What he would give to get the feelings back, to love her again. He knew she wouldn’t understand; she’d never comprehend the pain he felt. That’s what happens though. Things change. People move on, and just like the lilies, love dies…

He was right, she didn’t understand. Her wilted tears, like the petals of the dried lilies, made him want to curl up and hide. Her worst nightmare was coming true and she didn’t want to be alive to live it. The rainfall of questions that rambled from her lips received answers she refused to hear. He would change his mind, he had to…

She was wrong. Summer turned to fall and the picture still made an appearance on her bad days. She realized more than ever love hurts, and when you follow your heart to a dead end, you’re lost. Holding back tears is never easy, but putting on a fake smile is harder. And at the end of the day, she takes a deep breath, tucks the picture away, and every night dreams of the lilies.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

If only she knew


Life is a gift. A precious jewel meant to be cherished, to be loved. And although at times life is hard and the obstacles we face seem too great to overcome, we still live. And we live with passion.

My grandma is perfect in every way. She's beautiful, kind, loving; she carries hope for the good in life. And if it weren't for her baby hairs growing in after almost two years of chemo treatments, you would never know she was sick. Even on her worst days, her eyes could light up the room, and my soul.

She inspires me everyday to live life a little fuller, to make sure to see the great in everything brought my way. She truly pushes me to be a better person. And when I visit her, it's hard to hold back tears, because even though she's smiling, it's her happiness that makes me sad. How could someone with such a beautiful soul have to hurt so much? What did she do to deserve this? How is it fair?

But life isn't always fair. If it were, we would all get our way with no pain or suffering. Without pain, there is no love. And love is one thing I know she will always have.

I hope she knows how many people care about her. All the people that love her. A crazy but caring husband, who would do anything to take her pain away. Three children who hate to see their mom suffer. Grandchildren who cherish the memories we've had, and still have yet to make with her. And me. She makes my life a better one, more than she could ever realize. And for that, I will thank her forever.